December 30, 2012

An oldie but a goodie

The other night while waiting for the video of the kid's band to upload I was sort of "stuck" to the computer. I had to wait for the video to upload and that took forever and I didn't feel like I could walk away and do something else while it did, because if something happened or the computer went into hibernation then the video would stop uploading. You know how it is. Anyway, so I wandered over to our old blog to reminisce and was reading through the posts with "funny" labels. First of all, isn't it a little presumptious of me to label my own posts funny? I think so. But this one actually is a little funny and as I read it, all the feelings I felt as I typed it nearly 3 years ago came rushing back to me: anxiety, stress, love, impatience, frustration, happiness...

And it made me smile. I often remark that I would have twins again in a heartbeat if it were up to me. I'm not kidding when I say that. I recognize that it would be hard, do a number on my body, my emotions and our finances. But the end result is perfection. Having twins is just so much fun. And I think this post proves it...

March 11, 2010

The thing about having twins

When people find out I have twins they usually give me one of two responses:
 1)"How fun! I always wanted twins..."
2) "Wow! I bet you have your hands full..."
Unless that person has had twins themselves, then their response is more along the lines of: "Don't worry, you'll survive." or "Oh, the first (insert any number between 1 and 18 here) years are the worst."

I have reached the point, that when I hear that someone is pregnant with twins, I want to hand them an information packet that says:


#1. Yes, it is exciting, somewhat uncommon and completely amazing that a woman's body can house two other human bodies at the same time for hopefully nine months. But it is also amazing how badly it can hurt and how crazy it can make you feel. There will be nights when you will wake up with sensations in your middle that make you feel like your insides are separating and are just going to come exploding through your skin, out of your stomach. And be prepared to experience pains in your "womanly area" ALL DAY LONG.
Also, as with any pregnancy, you will have CRAZY dreams. My most vivid dream when I was pregnant with my twins you ask?
Well, Kendrick and I were hot tubing with Heidi Klum. Yes, Heidi Klum the super model. And Heidi started flirting with Kendrick. Okay, yeah that was weird. But then, in the middle of flirting, Heidi got up and said to me, "this is how he likes it Desiree" and then proceeded to let Kendrick bite her butt!!! On a normal night, when not pregnant with twins, I might have been able to wake up and let it go. But being pregnant and having a SURGE of hormones in me-I woke up and really believed that at some point in the night we had been hot tubing with Heidi Klum and that Kendrick had bit her butt in front of me. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was a dream. But in those few minutes that I was up in the middle of the night peeing, (because you will pee 72 times a day when pregnant with twins) I was FURIOUS with Kendrick and wanted to slap him while he slept. It took me a couple of months, but I eventually forgave Heidi Klum for having the gall to show up in my dream. Now doesn't all that pain and craziness sound exciting?!

#2. Nursing two babies is rough. I remember being in the NI CU and a nurse telling me not to worry because "my body new that I just had twins and would automatically make enough milk for both." While that may be true, my body also probably thought that I would be able to take my twins home two days after they were born, and that I would be able to devote 12 hours a day to nursing two babies at the same time so that one baby didn't get more than the other. Since I didn't get to bring my twins home right away (and I don't know of many mother's that do) I had the pleasure of: pumping first thing in the morning, right after breakfast, right after my shower, right before I went to the hospital, the minute I arrived at the hospital, nursing both twins during my visit, pumping again before I left the hospital, pumping when I got home, pumping after dinner, pumping before I went to bed, waking up to pump in the middle of the night; and then taking all of my milk up to the hospital only to be told that I had only made enough milk for ONE BABY!

#3. They will inevitably poop (not the nice pebbly poop, but the disgusting, runny, stinky, stick to the butt kind of poop) at the same time at least 4 times a week. And if you are lucky this will happen in the comfort of your own home. But if you happen to be at church, the store, or the doctors office- then be prepared to want to crawl in a hole and die. Especially if they have ruined their outfit from said poop and you forgot to pack an extra one for each baby.

#4. They will feed off of each other in good times and bad. But mostly bad. I remember having days where I would have to keep Jack happy just to keep Myles happy. Or vice versa. If one of them was upset it would automatically set the other one off. And then they would both scream at me as if to say, "Your doing it wrong Mom! Why can't you shut my brother up?" If I scolded Myles for something (this was in their crawling stage) it might not affect Myles, but it would destroy Jack and then I would have to soothe him even though he didn't do anything wrong. Then, just because Jack was upset, Myles would get upset and I would end up having to console two sobbing babies.

#5. Bathing two wiggly babies is NOT EASY. Especially if you are the only adult around to do it, and you have a 2 year old that decides at the EXACT moment you put them in the tub that she is going to spill make-up all over the floor, have diarrhea, get a bloody nose, or choke on something. Also, beware that there will come a time when you will have both babies clean and ready to get out of the tub and just as you turn to reach for a towel- one of the babies will poop- making the once clear bath water a disgusting brown or green color. Have fun trying to get both babies rinsed off sufficiently, so that you can get them both out of the tub in order to clean the tub well enough to put them BACK in the tub. Because you will have to give them their bath all over again. BUT don't forget about that 2 year old! Who knows what the hell (pardon my french. I find myself getting a tad bit worked up as I type this) she has gotten into while you have devoted more than an HOUR of your life to being stuck in the bathroom with two messy babies.

#6. Have you noticed a theme here? Poop will run your life. Especially if you have boys. See, the thing about twins is: they make a good team. If they work together, then they can both figure out how to get one poopy diaper off and then decide together where the most exciting, least discreet and most difficult place to clean poop out of the carpet will be, and then they will proceed to smear poop all over that chosen place. Also, while they are potty training they might very well try to change each others diapers or pull ups and wipe each others butts (that is if you can pry their heads out of the toilet bowl, because they INSIST on watching the poop go all the way down the drain. In fact, if they could- they would probably just go down with the poop to make sure that it gets to the sewer safely). Also, and this is a big one: THEY MUST FLUSH THEIR OWN POOP! If their twin does it for them then be prepared for one of the biggest and scariest meltdowns you have ever seen!

#7. Just because you have two of everything does not mean you will be able to avoid having them fight over EVERYTHING. They will fight over who gets what pair of identical white underwear. They will fight over who gets what half of an apple that you took extra care to make sure you cut THE EXACT same way. They will cry over who gets which toothbrush even though you made sure to by two IDENTICAL toothbrushes. They will fight over anything. Don't ask me why, but the minute I stopped buying EVERYTHING identical- the fighting subsided a bit. For example: they both still need CARS toothbrushes. But one of them needs to have a blue toothbrush with a red car, while the other one has a yellow toothbrush with a red car. Also, you will inevitably need to lie to your twins to keep them happy. For example-"he gets that part of the banana because he had to stay in the hospital longer as a baby... so his banana has to be bigger." OR "he gets the blue one because the doctor said he had to wear blue when he came home from the hospital so we wouldn't forget his name." Whatever the lie, make it good and make it come from a medical professional-it makes it more believable to them. Because we all know that doctors never lie...

#8. Twins (at least my twins) don't function very well by themselves. You may think it will be a big treat for them to go to the store with you all by themselves, but the twin that gets to go will worry and ask about the twin who was left at home the entire time you are gone. Meanwhile, the twin that was left at home will have a meltdown because he was left at home OR because he can't build his lego tower without the other twin. Even though, if the other twin was home he would just make building that tower a nightmare, because he would want it done HIS way and therefore would knock it down every 30 seconds because he didn't agree with how it was being built. Also, if the twins are given a choice between playing in separate rooms by themselves, taking a nap, or sitting in time out- They will choose taking a nap. Especially if it is late in the day and you don't want them to take a nap. They would rather be TOGETHER in their room sleeping, then ALONE in time out for 3 minutes, or playing alone in peace and quiet.

#9. The tattle telling will drive you INSANE. They will tattle on their twin when their twin does good things, bad things, disgusting things you didn't want to know about, things that aren't real and things that are just plain ridiculous. For example: Jack came to tattle on Myles the other day because AND I QUOTE, "Myles won't save the world with me!" And Myles told on Jack just the other morning because... ARE YOU READY? "Jack sucked on his vitamin BEFORE he swallowed it!" Another example: Every morning during their bath, it is inevitable that one of them will try to drink the bath water. The things is, I am so tired of tattling that I now ask them, "What would you like me to do about it?" Their reply? "Please scream at him Mom!"

#10. The last thing that no one tells you about having twins, and that no one can prepare you for is how FABULOUS it is to be completely adored by two people at once. For me-this is better than any "love triangle" I've ever been in. I have two (well okay, four) boys in my life that follow me around all day asking if I am happy or "angwee". When I put more make-up on then usual, they notice and tell me I look pretty. On Sunday mornings I can always count on my boys to tell me that my dress is "bootiful". I can't tell you how many times a day I am asked to cuddle with one of them. I know that through thick and thin these boys are always going to stand up for each other and for me, their Mom. I am so lucky to have twins!