It's almost midnight and I can't fall asleep. This is the last Sunday I will ever spend in this house. A house that we found 4 years and 3 months ago in a classified ad that ended up being an absolute godsend. This house has given us a second chance and helped us pick up the pieces and rebuild our future. It has also infuriated me with all of it's problems and aesthetic faults. But with all of it's issues and ugly parts-this house saved us. It brought us to an area, a school, a ward that has changed our lives for the better. Living here, for me, has been like eating an entire humble pie all by myself. For so long I dreamt about what it would be like to find a "better house" and move away from here. I knew I would be sad to leave certain people here but I didn't expect to feel such overwhelming love and gratitude for all that an old, run down rental house has done for the well being of our family.
As I sit here and look around at the empty walls and piles of boxes, I am so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for leading us away from our old home and neighborhood and helping us settle here, in an older, smaller, less comfortable home. This was EXACTLY where we needed to be for the past 4 years. We needed to know the people we have known. We needed to be knocked down a few notches and go through some trials together and live more humbly for awhile.
I look at how far our family has come in 4 years and I am overwhelmed with pride. Kendrick has worked his butt off for us. He literally had to start over from scratch and at times we had next to nothing-we didn't even know how we'd pay the rent or buy groceries. My heart breaks when I think of the toll that put on him and his self confidence. I am so grateful for how hard he has worked and for how strong he has tried to be for us. Since we have lived here our marriage has been tested more than I ever thought it would be. I have had some personal demons I've had to confront and Kendrick and I have both had to reevaluate where we are in our lives and what we want for our future. We haven't always been on the same page about everything but we have always known that no matter what our address, income or personal goals-we always want to be together. I'm more in love with him now than I've ever been. I can't imagine going through the past 13 years-and especially the past 5 with anyone else. We have had our share of setbacks but somehow we have gotten through them. And now here we are-just 4 years after being in financial crisis and feeling like our marriage was on the rocks and wondering how we were going to survive-to getting ready to move into a beautiful new home in a gorgeous area that is closer to Kendrick's amazing job that he loves.
Here I sit, 8 mo pregnant with baby #5-the child I have wondered about for the entire time we have lived here. The child I thought wasn't meant to be, so I gave up on trying for her. Life is just funny. You can make plans and have goals and dreams but all of those things can change so quickly. Our "plan" was to stay here until the end of the school year so that our kids could stay in their schools, we could stay close to our friends and family, and I could keep working so that we could save up for that 2nd honeymoon to Puerto Rico that we have been dreaming about for years. Our "plan" was to be done having babies so that I could go back to school. Our "plan" was to have Kendrick's car paid off and $10,000 in the bank before we bought another home. Instead, I learned I was pregnant 3 weeks after starting a new job and the house hunt had to be moved up so that we could find a home large enough to accommodate our growing family. We had no real intention of leaving Salt Lake County-but yet, all of the houses that peaked our interest and that were in our price range took us to Utah County-closer to Kendrick's work. The "plan" was to have a nice sized down payment saved up and to settle for a more modest home in an older neighborhood. Instead, we happened to qualify for a loan program that completely covers our down payment and gives us the lowest interest rate we've ever had on a home. We now get to move into a neighborhood far nicer than I thought we would be able to afford and still have money in savings. Plans are for the birds. Go ahead and make them, I guess. But Heavenly Father has his own plans in store.
